If You Can Remember All of Britney Spears’s VMAs Outfits
Floss Gloss Nail Lacquer Maliboob Job
This is the next “status nail polish,” loved by celebrities, nail artists, and people who just love getting “nailed.” The colors are all happy, and the true names and references will make you smile, with pop-culture references. BritBrit2000 is a perfect match to the nude twinkle of Britney Spears’s 2000 VMAs catsuit while Neon Nacho is a dead ringer for pumpable cheese.
If a Pair is owned by you of “Unflattering Pants”
- Hannah Eames Nail Polish
This is the most “fashiony” of the indie brands, with an Instagram full of artful hand-posing straight out of a 1960s Vogue. The shades are arty colors that toe the line between looking ugly and cool, like the pants that are“ugly of polishes. Many of the colors are a bit jolie laide — a dull sludge green called Eames, or a flat “savory” beige called Miso — but you’ll know exactly who would love these polishes.
If You Like Tacos
Holo Taco Rainbow Snow
Nail-polish YouTube’s No. 1 personality, Cristine a.k.a. Simply Nailogical, took her love of holographic polishes and sparkle and created her own exuberant line that is polish. The colors are bold and zany, and all feature multiple sizes of glitter — she very much cares about you getting the most glitter bang for your buck. She also has a “Peely Base,” a base coat that allows you to revel in the dirtbag joy of peeling off your nail polish (even glittery ones) — but in one fell swoop.
If You Think Black Isn’t Just a Color, It’s an Emotion
Cirque Colors Creme Nail Polish
This brand is praised on Nailed Lacquer message boards and nail-polish YouTube for being a one-and-done polish, meaning just like early spring, all you need is one light coat. The pigment that is high gives it a bit of a gloppier formulation, but it really lasts. The deep-black Memento Mori shade is even better and richer looking than Chanel’s Black Satin, the OG color which kicked off the black nail-polish trend. It’s particularly loved (and raved about on Amazon), like it oozes because it has a multidimensional richness and glossiness that almost looks.
If You Think Nail Art Is a True Art
Emilie Heathe Nail Artist
This brand’s Instagram is a soothing grid of tone on tones. Its polishes look luxurious (and they’re priced that way at $30 a bottle), with magnetic Japanese bottles that soothingly click together (sort of like the way Fenty Match Stix do). The shades range from rich reds that are basic a fresh white to a gold shimmer hue you’ll want to drip all over your nail called Billions. Give this to the person whose Instagram looks like a color study.
If you can’t anywhere find“It
ILNP YOU UP?
The nail-obsessed community of Reddit’s Laqueristas (they joke they sold the C to pay for polish) love this brand, whose moniker stands for I Love Nail Polish. The finishes are sleek, the glitters aren’t chunky, and an oil-slick-mixed-with-water is had by the chromes vibrancy. If you’ve ever thought, I wish that was a nail polish, while staring at anything — it’s most likely here.
If You Think Harry Potter Is Not Really “Fantasy”
FUN Lacquer Top 1 Percent
This is the polish most likely to be worn by a character that is fantasy-novel. Most of the colors feature shiny finishes and shades inspired by otherworldly inspirations. If you’ve ever wondered what “Unicorn Blood” would look like, this is for you.
If You Despise Glitter
Côte Toxin-Free Nail Polis
This is one of the Goopiest indie polish brands (and, in fact, it’s sold there — and, yes, Gwyneth has a shade named after her). It prides itself on being “clean” and long-lasting, and the colors range from the bright and cheerful to the subdued and polished nudes. Even with over 150 shades, none of the colors get too weird, so it’s a a bit like the Farrow & Ball of nail polish. If you think shimmer or glitter is “tacky,” this is for you.
If You Like Mauve
Context Nail Lacquer
There’s something clean and modern about this line of polishes, which includes the classics — a beautiful red, a modern slate gray, but also some odder, uncommon and arresting colors for variety. The pop-’60s baby pink “Ain’t Love Strange” and flat mauve “Slow you take a second look down” all make.